you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
