1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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