I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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