If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
