Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
