Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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