My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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