No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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