Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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