the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
