I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
