i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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