erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
