you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
