So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
worst night to have a conscience
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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