Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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