the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
