Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
