I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
