im drinking this country out of the recession.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
as a side note pls kill me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
