Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
