this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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