where am i from again
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
