then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
time to smoke my breakfast
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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