32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
