im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
