Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
