Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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