In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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