Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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