Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
