pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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