his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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