Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
