According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
