This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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