a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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