She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
