My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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