you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
