i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
