you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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