I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Duck Duck Cougar?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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