I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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