Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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