Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
