Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
