VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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