Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
