the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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