The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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