Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
